To Do List

I told Kregg on our way back to Kris's house after his radiation treatment on Friday that he was going to have to put "arrange for 5 days of transportation" on his "to do list" for next week's treatments. In a joking manner I told him it would give him something to do and keep him busy. He joked back with me that if he had a "to do list" he would forget where he put it. I laughed because life is just one big "to do list" for me. Kregg and my life could not be more different when you compare how we spend our time. He spends a lot of time alone without a list of things that "need" to be done. He doesn't have a schedule that has him going in 15 different directions today and wondering if he'll make it. He rests without interruption.
When mom and dad called to find out how things went with Kregg, I shared with them that he seemed to be doing well except for an itchy scalp and burning ears. Kregg planned to talk to the doctor on Monday about what he may be able to do to relieve these new symptoms...until then he thought he would try taking Benedryl. It had been a very busy week for me...a longer than usual "to do list" with four kids to get ready to start school next week and a full time job to manage. My parents sensed I was tired when we talked. I told them that I longed for just 4 hours of alone time on a raft in a pool without someone calling my name needing something. After we said goodbye and I hung up the phone, I realized that I would last about 15 mins by myself on a raft with someone not needing me. I can't sit quietly anywhere without giving into the desire to do something. I wonder, if I knew that my life was being threatened what would I do differently? Kregg knows his life is fragile and yet he chooses to do what he has always done. He lives it one day at a time with no sense of urgency and with minimal needs and wants. We all have choices on how we live and so I look at my "to do list" not as much as an enemy today but as a reminder of all the people that need me...and as a reminder of how much I need them.